Mad and Madder Men

 I figured it was time for a tribute to Mad Men which is set in the 1960s in New York. Mine features the current millionaires govt and is set in Downing Street where really Mad men try to recreate the  60s - the 1860s

Compelling theme music over montage of election promises by libdems being ripped up

Don Draper's mansion

Close up mirror - Gideon Osborne as Don Draper - two characters who reinvented themselves on the battlefield, one in Korea the other in a marginal seat in the Midlands. He grins and buttons his suit . We hear him incant:

hice prices, haus, how-ow-sss.Prices. Challenging.

Winks to mirror as he gets it right, Camera tracks back to reveal Clegg in bed as Betty Draper - constantly betrayed by Don but clinging to the wreckage of the marriage. Close-up Clegg's arm as it puts the alarm clock under the pillow.

Offices of Sterling Cooper

Lift door opens, lift operator Vince Cable smiles as a beaming Campbell (Cameron the blueblooded salesman) emerges alongside Kinsey (Ian Duncan Smith - the social conscience of the firm).

Cameron

- Inflation is going up - do you think that's why he wants us to come in this early on a Monday

Smith

-You never know. Morning, Joan

Joan (voluptuous redhead Danny Alexander taking coat)

-Mr Cooper would like to see you in his office now

Int. Cooper's office Draper removing shoes as he joins the others.

Behind desk we see Ken Clarke as Cooper - eccentric, jazz loving brown shoes

Campbell looking at painting of tsunami on wall

Japanese art eh? No it's a financial report about the decade of deflation caused by their govt

Cooper

- Gentleman, we've had an offer for our forests which I am inclined to accept as it then means there is literally nothing left to sell.

Enter William hague as Sterling, heads straight for drinks bar, pours large vodka, lights cigarette

Draper/ Osborne

-What do our partners say?

Cooper

-You know, I really have no idea

Dissolves into general laughter

 

We all hate Leeds and Leeds and Leeds

Been singing the above all week and now I hear Ken Bates has banned the Guardian because they raise issues about ownership. Hey, that's football say the fans as Risdale turns his eye to Plymouth. Here's an old number I remain hugely proud of

Download now or watch on posterous

Millwall%20anti%20leeds%2080s%20song.mp4 (4241 KB)

 

Inequality assurance policies

Very impressive that lawyers had to write a Policy for torture - just like where I work where we must have a policy for everything as if the policy is good voodoo and will ward off bad spirits. I imagine the discussions at cabinet level about the powerpoint slides - no, Lance  if we have Summerfield design template  we won't be able to see the orange jumpsuits properly.

Management effluent imbibed at the Mckinsey teat no doubt - The management of Auschwitz had  policies - not great in practice but if OfWar had done a "light touch" , figures only inspection rather than a full scale Allied invasion they might have got away with it.

Every event no matter how unique merits a policy: snow ; 9/11; alien landing. Of course we never dispose of the old ones - well who knows if they won't come in useful again - if our students are summoned from their classes to help man a flotilla of small boats for a retreat from France at least we will know how to respond plus it will be good context for Atonement.  We do  still have the harvest leave policy for farmers kids.  Hold on that's the school year;  or is that based around the ancient observations of Lenten rituals like University terms?

t's like the desire to measure everything that drives me nuts - even stuff that can't be quantified like responses to nursing care and learning. I'll be honest I think Management are a different species -  we evolved to the extent that we consider some questions ludicrous - how well is the school doing? Happy pupils/ parents / staff - How do you know? Err I use my eyes. And ears.

And they want top measure happiness in order to ensure it. Here's what would make me happy: all the happiness measurers impaled on their own laser pointers. Antony tells Cleopatra

"...there's beggary in love that can be reckoned," (Shakespeare)

I remember that from my A level which inculcated a lifelong obsession with the bard (and David Bowie 'tis true my liege ) which means my teacher added real value to me. Nothing worthwhile in life can be measured by Excel or assured by quality.

 

 

 

Domestic terrorism

When I heard this term I imagined someone converting plastic explosive into bleach to give their toilet a good blast. Either that or someone who returns home after a hard day's indoctrination at the madrasa and reaches for the pipebomb and slippers.

FAR FROM lonesome

Third Man

One effect of the coalition of the wilful damage seems to me really apparent in the media. Daily announcement of huge cuts to public sector/ bonuses to bank staff owned by same public - cue Cameron, cue Clegg, cue Harry Lime.

You may percieve a differnce from last year where it would have been Brown, then Cameron then (a little bit of balance bit to keep the Mail off our backs) that nice Mr Clegg who comes across great on TV in his ten seconds.

This is why Clegg's Faust was deperate for his Mephistopheles: he knew that the agenda is now completely Condem with Labour playing third spear carrier.

If you recall the Third Man denouement: in the sewers of a a ruined city state occupied by overseas forces (IMF, Spanish airport owners, French energy providers) we discover the black marketeer of medicines -Harry Lime- who defends his assault on decency with a lecture on Darwinian competition as a  catalyst of great deeds. We have waited more than 90 per cent of the film for him to make his entrance and what an impact he has. It is Orson Welles no less who casts a huge shadow over this film - Ed Miliband lacks his presence but seems determined to delay his entrance until the last minute. He could still save the show though :

Cue wierd zither music - swirling fog - the sewer underneath parliament

"...Switzerland has had peace for hundreds of years and what have they given the world - corrupt money laundering, tax dodging banking services - let's treat them like the profiteers and spivs of WW2: the hearest lamp-post".

missing ed and extinguishing hope