Wedding song

A lyric to unite all of us royalists and Republicans on this special day - a Michael Jackson tune (something old), New lyric, Borrowed (someone else's husband) and Blue ( seems to have done the job)

It's close to midday and something hideous lurking in the dark
Under the big hat, you see a sight that reminds you of a work of art
Munch's scream even Alex Mcqueen couldn't save her look
Her  looks can freeze as Charles looking right into her eyes
He's hypnotised

'Cause it's Camilla Camilla  night
There ain't no second chance you're gonna have to dance with
Camilla, Camila night
You'd swap places with Houllier from Villa than have to go through this again tonight

(Vincent price monologue nearly as terrifying as the dire commentary we have had to endure all day - fade ad nauseam like the notion of a balanced media repeat when Harry gets a girl)

Extreme Royal Wedding Avoidance

Wednesday I attended the cremation of Mike, a friend of mine and more especially my partner's for nearly thirty years. His wife spoke at length about their family life - three kids and a menagerie is not always heaven but rarely hell was the message. As my white, middle class street party attending students would say: true dat. (one of my class is dressing up as a Corgi for the day, I would've thought some kind of Germanic cross breed where the genetic stock is gradually weakened by centuries of near incestuous coupling would be more appropriate -producing the canine equivalent of the Habsburg jaw)

His brother spoke eloquently about his the boundaries of his life: study, work and a select circle of friends all centred around Goldsmiths where we met. Kind of a different approach to social neworking  where some collect friends like another upgrade of the mobile phone - like so many notches on the blogpost. Anything valuable must have a cost is what I try to teach unless you are Fred the Shred and his breed where the consequences of your egomania are borne by everyone but you. - these people live in a world of arrested development they are permanent children. Such people remind me of audiences who shunned our topical comedy because they did not understand the references which would have included commentary on the troubles in the North of Ireland while they were going on - for eighteen year old media students aceptable; for adults of voting age plainly not. Some Joncom comics are proud that they can tailor their material to suit the audience - I think of them playing to Guantanamo inmates as part of some bizarre human rights act (Hague ruling - the troops get comedy so prisoners must have access too)

Ever notice when you're being waterboarded that it  does wonders for your creative block - I wrote a huge list of fictional al qaeda suspects

At such events as these memorials you go back to the house of memory - the garden with bouncy castle where every child but the birthday boy bounced, the builders skip outside as the loft conversion creates the space needed for Mike to create his wonderful art. Mike's intolerance of bad art was something I have always admired - as stated interchangeable comics who lack clear identity and have literally nothing to say fall into this category in my book. Here you are inevitably going to revisit your past while you celebrate the wonders of the life lost. And you will meet and deal with the results of past actions and words then sleep soundly tired in mind and soul. You share the knowledge that for all of their foibles and faults the select friends and exes who proclaim their material and familial successes including the minutiae (Teresa had a guniea pig but the parkaeet and it never got on so we moved to Clapham when Aunt Doris paid for me to retrain as a lapdancer but I really want to run a teashop like cousin Billy) - like an in concert rendering  of a Christmas round robin  - some will even pause to ask same of their audience but not all  - you have enough in common to rub along for a few hours. You are reminded of this at weddings (in the past now sadly apart from second ones) and sadly funerals -  now more frequently.

Diagnosed with lung cancer in January and cremated in April the week of the big event - hence my title. As I witness the kowtowing and the return to the 1950s ( the postwar concensus and welfare state replaced by colossal debt created by the overclass who are in attendance today and division in politics between, let's be honest, the people and the politicians) I write this in memoriam of Mike as my means of escape and if anyone reads this then do two things - stop smoking now if at all possible; contact an old friend you don't see enough and be with them in silence or in noise - feel their presence and let them feel yours.

Without being too shallow Mike will be recalled for his  well remarked upon physical beauty that seemed as darkly mysterious as the earth: like a creature of Pan, an Ariel ,a Puck. Such things diminish inevitably but his knowledge, integrity, talent and warmth remain lodged deeper and will endure in me. The world misses Mike almost as much as we do.

Newton Heath

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <brianmulligan3@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Apr 27, 2011 at 11:21 AM
Subject: Newton Heath
To: brianmulligan3@gmail.com

Newton Heath
Fenian men riff
Am Dm
Chorus C Dm
Riff at end Dm loop

Historical dig in Manchester unearthed this gem: an original broadsheet ballad about the local football side

Can you hear the city sing x2
No cos it's three years til they get founded
Glossop and new Brighton are our deadly foes to them we chant
You are going to your abode in a horse drawn ambulance
In your tied cottages in your tied cottages
You look in the privy for something to eat
But the local co operative party have reminded the wealthy of their societal obligations so you get a hearty broth and a lecture on moral certitude

Pitch invaders at Newton Heath
Get transported to the barrier reef
Newton Heath
Don't condemn usto grief
Hurry up and invent Leeds

The tickets are cheap and if you
Sleep nine to a bed then comfort is relative
When we played Sheffield Weds we cried
We've heard more
noise at the foundry
The Replica kits are perfect fits woven in our own looms by our mums

We got Our sponsorship deal with local clog makers  Nike by gum

Thornton Heath clack your wooden teeth

And best of all because mass transportation is not yet individualised our supporters  all are local not from the home counties
And football has been embraced by the factory workers and shunned by the bourgeois there are no middle class tossers pushing up the prices brawn sandwich brigade

And due to a lack of globalisation no foreign owners can come and bleed clubs dry

Don't condemn usto grief
Hurry up and invent Leeds

Sent from my iPod

Royal wedding

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <brianmulligan3@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Apr 27, 2011 at 11:20 AM
Subject: Royal wedding
To: brianmulligan3@gmail.com

Royal wedding
When you work in a town decorated like shankhill on 12th July you suddenly come over all Neil Lennon
Guess I understand the home counties going all red White and blue far more than the scots celebrating their own conquest then I remember dick gaughan's sleeve notes: the first conquest of the English ruling class was the English working class
when I was being funny for money, singing for my supper and chaffing for my rent I used to play with a dude john moloney who styled himself an Irish republican and whose then material included Ian Gow gags (blown up by a car bomb) although he did bottle out of a tour of belfast coleraine jordanstown n Ireland so maybe he was more of a theorist
Surprised me as he had visited with myself and Sean Hughes the previous year
This trip included a visit to the milltown cemetery in the eve of  internment
Gerry Adams who Steve and I had supported as we had all non sectarian
Include banned from
Ealing festival
Play lp backwards
So we were at battersea arts centre
Sound heck
Sean south of garryowen

Bac prince Andrew
Loathe the institution love the individual
Actually I loathe both and I will tell you why
Youngsters as you progress you will realise ther might be a reason why posh kids dominate it's called class but they have shown over the years they don't have any - fergie andy Charlie all great people who have fatally wounded the institution
Now wills has not attacked the nobility by resigning
Naked class hatred
Been building a model railway in my basement and ballasting/ soldering worst job of all
I will be at it with glee playing Wolfe tones till I wear out fingers then hitting the broadband to play some more
Playlist
Will the worst of all

Sent from my iPod

Skint Video Reunion gig - America parody: Engerland sod you Martin Amis

Let us be partners in both economic and romantic senses

I've got a shared ownership key worker scheme here in my manbag

So we bought some nicorettes and pukka pies and walked off to look for Engerland

Kylie I said as we boarded the replacement bus service

Mottingham seems like a dream to me now

It took me four changes to get here from sevenoaks - it's the same all over  Engerland

During the games on the bus there won't be any places unless you wear gaberdine pants with an open fly

Or grow a beard and talk like a member of CAMRA -

(skip to last verse)

Kylie I 've lost it  I'm almost weeping; Martin Amis is leaving and I can't see why

Counting the noughts on the city boy bonuses - they can all get out Engerland

 

I would love to get this together by 29th as the thought of my Celtic fringe mates singing Engerland in the Duke tickles me...but it seems unlikely.

 

 

Skint Video reunion in aid of UK Uncut Fortnum 145 campaign

In the spirit of artists recreating classic albums live Skint Video will perform their NME single of the week Cops on 45/ Rogues (or at least as much as they can recall) at the Duke in Deptford on May 29th - a return to the scene of their triumphant 1985 gig where the beer ran out but the laughs flowed like the Creek which passes within yards. We will play some other tunes too including all of the songs from the Glee Skint Video episode which we turned down after intense negotiations as not in keeping with our image. In deference to the changed times, the show will be at 2pm and suitable for children. Free entry - collection for above.

Glib - a To AV or AV not/ Glee Mash up

Final Scene

A high school in the MidWest(minster) region - the show choir are about to address the school at asembly

Ed Miliband  as the enhusiastic but ineffectual Finn

Mr Clegg how come you finished third in the regional elections but ended up joint first - don't seem fair

Clegg as Schuster the teacher

Good question...that is why your assignment last week was to research different voting systems and sell them to an audience using Abba songs

Margaret Beckett as Sue Sylvester the jealous coach

Cleggster, don't you know there is no chance of you winning this one...come in Cheerios - enter Baroness Warsi in red skirt

The winner takes  it all

But losers can still call

People want democracy

We prefer fptp

Clegg

No that's why we have rewritten our campaign song in Abba mash up and are ready to do battle

Simon Hughes as camp student Kurt

Don't go wasting your early down motions

Don't lay all your love on a single MP

Vince Cable breakdances

See me pledge, gonna get bankers wedge

I'm gonna make Murdoch beg

I 'm the back off team,wanna stay on the scene

I can just dance and preen

- judges score 0,0,0

John Reid battles back

I was sick and tired of your bleating
So have this kiss form Glasgow (nuts Cable as  David Cameron enters)

Clegg

Darling can you hear me

My friends ERS

The power you gave me

Nothing else can save me

Yes vote Yes

Cameron as Rival school choirmaster

No from me, a no to you (A-V)

You don't have the dough we do

No from me, no to you (A-V))

Whatever the result, there was no breakthrough
 

Entire cast on for big finale number - duet between

Cameron and Clegg

Hi Yah at Waterloo The Polling train will  send us

To our next stop obscurity or fame

Over a system of how you choose

Cos if one of us wins we both lose

Waterboard - you should be done for electoral fraud

Waterboard swing side to side like a marginal ward

Woah Woah Waterboard

And there ain't even room in the House of Lords...

(Roll discredits - )

 

 

 

 

Skint Video Reunion gig May 29th - Non Sectarian Rangers Song

UEFA keep rapping Rangers for their fans songs so here is a safe one

Think of a slow You'll never walk alone/ Athenry type vibe...shout the Bold type -Glorio glorio to the bold typeface fonts

 

While acknowledging that your hooped jerseys
Represent an equally proud tradition of a slightly different wing of Christianity
And not seeking to denigrate the land of your forebears
Nor implying they have natural inferiority intellectually or morally or physically
 
We are most desirous for our participants
To utilise their drilled talent
To exploit the advantages offered to them by favourable refereeing
To inflict upon you defeat by a convincing but not humiliating margin

Certainly not one requiring surrender
To any paramilitary force

Thus we are all enabled to chant in support of our menfolk
We offer this UEFA approved text
We will mention William in one line
And sing of half time Oranges in the next

Skint Video Reunion gig - Harry Redknapp

In the spirit of artists recreating classic albums live Skint Video will perform their NME single of the week Cops on 45/ Rogues (or at least as much as they can recall) at the Duke in Deptford on May 29th - a return to the scene of their triumphant 1985 gig where the beer ran out but the laughs flowed like the Creek which passes within yards. In deference to the changed times, the show will be at 2pm and suitable for children.

 

Wrote this one ages ago but cannot find the time to record it for youtube - maybe I'll persuade Steve to do it

This one has a kind of Richard Hawley classic Crying Over You type vibe

 

Did you know before that louise met my boy jamie
She was so poor she couldn't afford a second name she
Now appears in photo shoots with just her scanties on
I swear you can see  right through her Portsmouth to her Southampton

Happy Harry from Poplar meet me in the car park far from the CCTV
Don't tell the vatman or the taxman
Nod's as good as a wink to a blind referee (Howard Webb)

I got three gaffes in sandibanks with beaches ever so private
 donkey rides for grandkids on ledley  when he's fit (twice a year)

Instr break

At west ham we used to have great players and great drinkers
And a small club gave england just the three world cup winners

Now the players  don't pass out dribbling after a weekend on the bottle
Cos they can't pass can't dribble and they sure ain't got no bottle

Happy Harry I m well poplar  meet me at services at a layby on the a3
Tell the taxman must be Santa brought it - well how could you see?
Now that's a lot better than George Graham 's defence of his jensen bribery
If you are caught in Japan you commit hari kari
From West Ham Pompey and saints I'm more an Harry cash and carry