Gideon Osborne as Hamlet Clown Prince

Plan B or more QE that is the $14tn question; whether tis a no brainer to my mind

To utter things that narrow down the outraged Fortune 500 to 5

Or give alms to HSBC in a double dip and by appeasing befriend them.

Corfe Castle in the Rain

Setting orff to Corfe Castle in the rain, heritage town on a heritage train

Stories of crecy agincourt - all about the hundred years war

History should be more than a photo op or a posh soap opera backdrop

Steam and Cream teas are fine on this old railway line

Our chief exports overseas are our jobs and industries

 the devon belle coach on its plate says this was  lincoln made

Bagnall, Baguely, Beyer Peacock all made locos and rolling stock

That's just the Bs now Bombardier loses work to the rhine and ruhr

Why do we accept decline when the story of this railway line

Shows one way we could be building jobs and industry

Croydon Urbanal

Plenty of pastoral songs but very few praising the suburbs so this is my attempt to address the perceived shortfall

Rise up ye citizens for the morn is upon us with all its challenges and exceptions and thrusts upon us its light

She disburses her contnet , discharges her burthen

Innit bruv

Who will challenge the plutocracy of taste but you, my Champion of the oppressed, my Lunar House

Where Liberty's statue can pull up her sleeping bag and join its poor, its hungry its yearning to be free

Low, true dat

Instr.

Cock Fight - Solidarity with our sisters

We wear balaclavas just not on our heads. Our air balaikas are a social threat

We'd like Vladimir Putin the stocks dressed as Sid Vivious Siouxsie Poly Styrene anyone punk or unorthodox

 

Cock Fight - Solidarity with our sisters

We wear balaclavas but not on our heads

Our air balalaikas are a social threat

We'd like Vladimir Putin in the stocks

Dressed as Sid Vicious Siouxsie Souix Dave Poly Styrene anyone punk ....or Unorthodox

Dorset 2012; Durston Castle

The Seventh Step

 

As you walk up to Durston Castle a a warning cries out from the wall

The next seven steps you take stand for the rise and fall of the dinosaurs

Ten Billion at the Royal Court sends audiences home in tears

Seems we'll reach this milestone or millstone within a hundred years

Bridge Seems we're rushing  up from step six

If we let our size tens land it can't be fixed

 I won't take the 7th step no I won't take the 7th step

I swear here and now I'll fight anyhow I won't take the 7th step

Bridge Put your arm up say the oath come on I'm here to help you make it

I don't know if God did make the world but she sure as hell didn't break it

Dorset 2012; Swanage

Corfe Cider

Corfe Cider from the barrel come fill up your jug

Come fill up your bottle or fill up your mug

You can fill your bath with it but don't forget the plug

Looking at the weather I think I'll take a slug

Local food and local beer - even the locals are local here

Pubs let in kids shops open late I remember thinking this is great

Cos I came here on school journey on a proper train from the big city

Sleepless night for days and days soon we'd all go our separate ways

My mum kept me right uop to date: who's in who's out what their fate

Soe turned Queen and some turned knave; a joker I came and a joker remained

Harbour lights shine down the years and I still ain't paying for a pier

Cider from the barrel come fill up your jug

Come fill up your bottle or fill up your mug

You can fill your bath with it but don't forget the plug

Looking at the weather I think I'll take a slug

 

Dorset 2012

One day I want to walk th Appalchian trail, with my mandolin and write a song every night; this year we went to Swanage so I thought I'd write four songs in four days...this one's about Studland Bay - a very middle class beach or as I call it:

Gluten Free on Sea

Our Hats say kiss me quick but seek consent at every stage

Everything's fair trade except the Polish Nanny's wage

Take the bikes to the beach - well strapped to the Prius hybrid

Postcard to the rest  wish you weren't here with your kids

There's at least 3 Harrys and Jasmyn and Jezzer 

That's just the dogs the 12 sprogs are surfing over there

Put the shard in the shade with our sun tent while we soak

But we've set up in front of yes we're fairy trade folk

Bbq  organic meat and organic cola and organic tea

Let our offspring do organic wee in the not so organic sea

Unitl it costs you dear  a principle's not a principle 

And you paid for our trip with the subsidy to our solar panels

Gluten free on sea - in the heart of the second homeland

Gentility sur mer - National Trust - afarians

Loco manufacturers - corfe castle

 

• Bagnall
• Baguley
• Beyer, Peacock and Company
• Hudswell Clarke
• John Fowler & Co.
• Kerr Stuart
• Vulcan 
• ruston

 

EdFringeStinge 3

Health and safety have decided to close venue down, management team unavailable for comment as they are on life support machines due to leasing vital organs to Oz double act. Had enough to tell you the truth and quititng now means I only have to work on three world tours supporting Bill Hicks tribute act (quite a few around) for exes only - look good on CV but not as good a a nuclear power - no thanks sticker.

Visiting USA to help promote cricket in ghetto via this song

Many critics have said to me over the years - did you really meet Ben Elton once? They have also asked me why I do the show often in print as I guess they are too overawed to ask in person. Here it is: Why We Write:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EdFringeStinge 3

Health and safety have decided to close venue down, management team unavailable for comment as they are on life support machines due to leasing vital organs to Oz double act. Had enough to tell you the truth and quititng now means I only have to work on three world tours supporting Bill Hicks tribute act (quite a few around) for exes only - look good on CV but not as good a a nuclear power - no thanks sticker.

Visiting USA to help promote cricket in ghetto via this song

Many critics have said to me over the years - did you really meet Ben Elton once? They have also asked me why I do the show often in print as I guess they are too overawed to ask in person. Here it is: Why We Write:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EdFringeStinge 2

So been bumped from venue to allow Bosnian stand up to use it as dressing room due to management selling tickets for stage space after glowing scotsman review. Discovered critic's secret passcode and phoned in own review of my show but due to perennial self esteem issues exacerbated by success of peers I crucified myself. See what you think: